“The Split,” the BBC drama series that follows the lives of the Defoe family, which includes members who work as English family lawyers, has been binge-watched by many people. It has prompted the discussion of what might feel like the Holy Grail for some divorcing couples: a “good divorce.” But what exactly does this mean, and how do you go about obtaining one?
What exactly is a “good divorce”?
A good divorce, in my opinion, is one in which financial and child-related issues are settled fairly and peacefully between the couples, allowing them to continue to get along with one another in the future. Especially when they have children, this becomes even more critical.
Another important component of a successful divorce is safeguarding the children from any potential conflict between their parents and ensuring that their needs are placed at the forefront of decision-making. It is reasonable to assume that parents and children will be able to interact well and even attend family events such as sports days, award ceremonies, graduations or weddings after a successful divorce. A ‘good divorce’ can frequently be less expensive for the couple who is divorcing since being able to handle problems amicably saves the need to take their case to court.
What does it take to have a “good divorce”?
- Get your heart as well as your mind in order.
While legal advice is important, it is not the only type of advice you should seek. Counselors can provide emotional support, and divorce coaches can provide crucial guidance to keep you from making rash decisions or saying things in the heat of the moment that you may come to regret later in the process.
- Visualize yourself in your new future.
While couples may not be aware of what lies ahead for them individually, it might be beneficial for each person to consider their post-divorce future – what they want it to look like and how they can get there in a practical and realistic manner – before getting married.
- Approach the situation with an open mind.
Don’t be overly rigorous when it comes to deal-breakers or prerequisites. Being unwilling to negotiate or being unreasonable on any issue increases the likelihood of a court battle, as well as the likelihood of more conflict and stress.
- Seek legal counsel as soon as possible.
Getting guidance from an expert family lawyer as early as possible is a smart idea since it may help you understand your options and what to expect in the future. Lawyers can refer you to other professionals at an early stage, which can help to avoid misunderstandings, friction, and additional expenditures later on.
While some couples may be able to work cooperatively to sort out the tangle of their lives and money, as well as come to an agreement on childcare arrangements without the assistance of expert counsellors, in my experience, such scenarios are rare. It is frequently necessary to seek professional guidance in order to ensure that both parties can make educated decisions. Financial advisers and parenting specialists are examples of professionals who provide professional guidance.
- Consider going to court as a last resort: Consider using mediation or the Collaborative Practice as a starting point.
Collaborative Practice and Family Law are two areas of expertise. Separating spouses are given the opportunity to convey what is important to them, to listen to one another, and to be in control of the decision-making process through mediation. I frequently observe that communication between the spouses improves as a result of my efforts, both during and after the process. By actively listening to and contemplating the viewpoints of the other, they are often more receptive to possibilities that they would not have considered otherwise.
These processes are very different but both have strong potential for achieving a “good divorce”. It is not uncommon for other experts to get involved in Collaborative cases if they are required, despite the fact that there is nothing to prevent a mediator from sending either or both clients to a financial adviser or to a coach or counsellor. A robust team giving guidance and assistance to clients can be formed by collaborating with Collaboratively qualified family consultants and financial professionals, as needed. This team can assist clients in navigating the emotional, practical, and legal aspects of their predicament.
When a couple separates and divorces, the process may be both physically and emotionally draining. A messy divorce will only add to the burden of going through this difficult time. Working with a family lawyer can assist couples in achieving the best possible outcome in their divorce, allowing them to move ahead in a manner that represents their mutual respect for one another.